7 ways to stop being a HELICOPTER PARENT.....

Parenting is like walking on eggshells, you lose balance, you’re in one big mess! The breakdown of the family system, to a nuclear family has resulted in parents taking on all the roles that different members of the family would’ve played. Today’s parent is solely responsible for the child’s upbringing and with this responsibility comes the need to control all aspects of the child’s life. This is done in order to avoid any untoward incident. We have evolved into controlling parents and our DNA now screams danger at every turn.

This is impacting the way our future generation is learning and living. Parents are being more and more unwilling to let children experience problem solving and making their own decisions. This is also known as helicopter parenting and is fostering dependence on one or both parents. Research shows that it has a deep impact on the child’s psychological wellbeing.

Here are seven things parents can do to bring up emotionally healthy and self-sufficient children:

• Struggle is Good: Underline this. Blow it up and hang it somewhere prominent. When children grow up with out knowing struggle, they never learn how to deal in a tight situation. Resist the urge to swoop in and help a child in need. Look for signs of distress. Respond only when children ask for help. Even then, start by giving verbal cues (not the whole answer). Allow children to develop perseverance.
• Every moment is not a teachable moment: Parents try to educate (and overeducate) children. It’s true that we have to build learning into the everyday life of the child. That does not mean that every moment is teaching worthy. Children are naturally curious, allow them to ask and then wonder with them. This is much better than being condescending and teaching all the time.
• Teachers and schools know what they are doing: Back off. Most teachers and most schools mean well most of the time. Controlling parents often spill over their control onto the teachers, trying to dictate how the child should be taught. It’s good to find a school / teacher who believes in your philosophy of education. From there on, there is no need to report every scratch on the child’s body and start a full blown enquiry. If you had one of those wounds as a child, most likely, your child will have one too.
• You are only a charioteer: Parents can guide their children and equip them with all there is to know. But the final battle has to be fought by the child. Children need to learn to pick their battles. Out in the playground, children fight, make up and move on. Parents however, hold grudges for life. The child who hurt your child is not necessarily Mogambo’s reincarnation and you do not need to pick a fight. You can model good behaviour and expect children to learn from how you resolve a fight and walk away when needed.
• Choices are great: Controlling parents usually do not permit choices to the child. Giving a choice to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child’s brain. When faced with a choice, children have to solve a problem of what to choose. They have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision. If they’ve decided, they tend to stick to it more often. This whole process develops the thinking brain. Work the choices into everyday activities of the child, like choice of clothes, time of homework, after-school activities, etc.
•  Do not expect greatness: Control is often wielded in expectation of greatness. Parents want to control the path the child takes as they already have the future mapped out. When we stop expecting, we allow the child to create newer paths. We need not expect greatness, in order to teach hard work and dedication. Once this expectation is dropped, failures do not seem so bad anymore. The lessons one can learn from failing can be an immense treasure as your child grows up.
• Life is not a race: Competition breeds control. When parents compare children to others, they are preparing them for a race. When we stop competing, we allow children to learn and grow at their own pace. Relax your grip and maybe they will run faster than ever!

Now that you have some ideas, how about you turn off this gadget and turn on positive parenting 😉😉

Thriving in our child care - Top 5 reasons

Through my parenting sessions, I'm often dealing with working mothers who are carrying a huge load of guilt on their shoulders. I find that this stress is reduced when they have found a quality day care that eases the emotional turmoil and provides the best care to the child.

A parent last week spoke to me about keeping our day care open on weekends too. When I asked her the reason, she mentioned that her daughter eats much better and without fuss if it's at our day care! This is the gratification that we look forward from our work. When we looked deeper into our practices, there are many things that have proven that we provide the best program (modesty can take a back seat for now:) )

1. The meal time routine: Children are taught to be responsible for their eating habits. After washing up, children sit at their assigned places for mealtimes. As they move towards their seat, they pick up the place mats and glass of water. The food is served by the care giver in a loving manner. The serving bowl is placed on or near the table itself and the care giver encourages the child to ask for second helpings. After every meal, the children pick and their own plates and put it into the tub provided for placing the used plates. The meals themselves are nutritious and very well balanced, to suit the palette of all children. Children are also taught table manners in subtle ways by modelling right behaviour.

2. Nap time routine: Children have the nap time after lunch. We need the children to be active for sometime before napping. Every child is encouraged to pick up their own blanket, bed sheet and pillow. They lay their own bed! This is all done in as less noise as possible, maybe signing songs too. This calms the child down and gets into the groove for sleeping.

3. Multiple Zones: We have ensured that the child is not cooped up in one room for the whole time that they spend with us. It is not a school environment where the child is required to be in one classroom. With multiple zones such as Transition Zone, Dramatic Zone, Social Zone, Fantasy Zone, Physical Zone, etc., we are able to provide movement from area to area for the children. It is important that we provide them with enough opportunities for child directed play. Children stay on in the day care after the formal schooling time. For these children, having a structured curriculum for the entire number of hours they spend with us. Imagine the fun children have, making groups, playing and coming up with games themselves. Just as at home with friends.

4. Highest standards of safety and hygiene: We have an open door policy for all parents of the children in our day care. Parents are encouraged to walk in and have a meal / snack with us to understand the quality of the food served. Children are taught the right toilet habits through posters and signs put up around all bathrooms. The care givers and nannies are trained in maintaining of hygiene and the right way of taking care of children. With CCTVs being just the starting point in the day care, safety measures such as fire drills, presentations on good touch and bad touch, and more, ensure that the stress felt by parents is mitigated.

5. Documentation: The teachers are trained to document the daily log for each child, which contains the eating habits, bathroom habits and nap times of each child. The teachers / care givers are well trained to measure each child's food intake and document it. The number times each child uses the bathroom is also documented along with the nap time measured in the number of hours and whether it was undisturbed. Parents are invited to meet the care givers every alternate month to discuss the progress of the child.

With all the above, children not just thrive, they enjoy coming to the day care. When so much care is given, a parent, especially a working mother, can work reassured and lead a guilt free parenthood!

Happy Parenting!

Ideas to make Rainy Days more fun for preschoolers - A Project.

The rainy season brings with it exciting new learning opportunities for children. We took the opportunity of the showers in Bangalore to teach children concepts of measurement and estimation. We took inspiration from various sites and set out to do a bit of our own experiment.

Intention:

1. Understand children's extend of knowledge of rain and how the rainfall is measured.
2. Introduce measurement through measuring of rainfall.
3. Introduce estimation (for higher age groups) and compare estimates to actuals.
4. Integrate other concepts of rain and nature.
5. Have FUN!

Planning process:

All our teachers put their heads together and put together the props required to make this project successful. Since it is still the first month of school, teachers made the props themselves. We believe that in the future projects we can involve the children in the planning process too. Here are some pictures from the planning stage.

The project:

The children in Kindergarten levels were introduced to the concept of rainfall. They were asked questions about what they thought about rainfall. Teachers showed them the graph and explained how it would be used. Teacher also explained that rainfall would be measured in centimetres. The same was shown on the measuring containers meant to measure the rain. The steps were as follows:

1. Children were asked to 'Guesstimate' how much the rainfall would be. (For older children)
2. The containers were numbered as per the numbers assigned to the children. 
3. Children placed the measurement containers in the outdoor where they felt the rain drops would fall.
4. The next day the children took their glasses, looked at the rainwater collected in the container, and used the centimetre scale marked outside to understand the rainfall level.
5. The children used raindrops to mark on the graph their measurements of 1 / 2 / 3... centimetres of rain as per their observation.

Integrated learning:

Children also learnt about planting seeds and how to tend to them. After digging, and planting the seeds, they waited for the rain to see their little saplings grow. Children then documented their learning by way of drawing about it.

Overall, this has been a fantastic project. It allowed us to learn from the children quite a lot. Children showed that they had great levels of attention since this was an activity that they enjoyed doing. Their curiosity is awakened and we can see children applying their recent measurement skills in class. Their vocabulary about measurement has widened. Rain is no longer abstract and we have been able to translate their learning into concrete terms. What a great way to integrate math with nature!

We will keep updating this post with all the future observations in the days to come too!

Really happy with this project and we welcome ideas from all the readers too for more projects that we can take up. This project can easily be done at home too.

Enjoy learning in the rain!

Credits: Deborah J. Stewart from http://www.teachpreschool.org

Birthdays - What do they mean to children?

Every child remembers one date in the year for sure, their own birthday! For every child it's all about 'I, me and myself' and it is no surprise that their birthdays hold a very prominent place in their idea of self. Since this day holds so much importance, we need to analyse the messages that we are passing on through the traditions or rituals we follow on that day.

Let us take the most popular ways that we celebrate the birthday of our children:

Cutting of the cake - While we are trying on one side to ensure that our children are fit and healthy by giving them the 'No Junk Food' rule, we are ourselves propagating unhealthy food with the cake. The sugar and maida in the cake are not good for our children and more importantly, you are sending the wrong message.

Blowing out the candles - We are encouraging children to blow out the candles. In most countries, lighting a candle represents dispelling of darkness and invoking of knowledge. Then why are we teaching our children to blow out the candles instead of lighting one?

Receiving gifts - The child looks forward to the gifts on the birthday the most. I have seen children who look at the hands of the guests walking in eagerly rather than accept the greeting! We are making our children materialistic by making birthdays all about the gifts.

Return Gifts - The friends of the child come to the party expecting a return gift. There is a competition about who gave the best return gift, putting a lot of pressure on the child. We are taking away the joy of giving. 

Party Food - In the name of serving what children like, most often junk food is served in the parties. 


At our school (Podar Jumbo Kids), we did away with all this and started follow the Montessori method of celebrating birthdays from the past six years, thus:

In the Montessori classroom children have the opportunity to celebrate their birthdays by doing the 'Birthday Walk'. It is a meaningful way to further their understanding of the passage of time and a great way to introduce the concept of months, days of the month, concept of a year, the earth, the sun, and how the earth revolves around the sun. The aim of this birthday ritual is to help children recognize how they have grown and changed since they were born, to help them understand why they have turned a year older and to foster a sense of community and celebration in the classroom environment. The birthday ritual is typically introduced during circle time and an item such as a candle or yellow ball is placed in the center of the circle to represent 'The Sun' in our Universe.

A birthday celebration in progress

The birthday child is invited to carefully hold the globe and the teacher explains to the children that the earth orbits around the sun and one rotation around the sun takes one year of time. Essentially, the child's walk represents the Earth revolving around the Sun and another year that has passed. At the beginning of this activity, the students are told that the birthday child is waiting to be born and on his birthday, he begins to walk slowly around the “Sun” carrying the globe. The child walks around the Sun once while the students sing the birthday song:

The Earth goes round the Sun

(Tune: Farmer in the dell)

The Earth goes round the Sun,

The Earth goes round the Sun,
It takes a whole year for the Earth to go round the Sun.

The months marked for the child to stand in the respective birthday month.

After the child has walked once around “The Sun”, the teacher explains that now the child is one year old; everyone claps once and you show the picture of that child when he/she was one year old. The birthday child talks about his/her picture and discusses what he/she may have done when they were one year old, i.e., say “ma- ma”, learn to walk, drink from a bottle, etc. Each time the child walks around “The Sun” you sing the song, then discuss the age of the child and show the corresponding photo. When you get to the child's current age, everyone sings 'Happy Birthday' and the child gets to blow the candle (if a candle is used) and make a birthday wish. It is a lovely ritual and it makes the birthday child feel valued and special!

The celebration is also enhanced with these pointers

Fruits - Instead of a cake, we invite the child to cut and serve fruits. Parent provide fruits for all the children in the classroom.

Sweets - Instead of the unhealthy chocolates, we encourage parents to provide with home made sweets that are made with jaggery and has no sugar.

Return Gifts - We mandate that only books are given as return gifts ( if they want to give ) and we at the school curate the books before they are given to the children.

With all these rituals and practices, our hope is to make celebration of birthdays more meaningful. We need all parents to adopt this so that this becomes a movement. 

Let us bring about a change right from how we celebrate birthdays. 

Happy parenting!

First Day of school - Top 10 tips to make it tear free!

The first day of school is fast approaching. For some parents, the children are returning to school after the summer break. For others, it is probably a first time experience. From my years of experiencing the first day blues, both for the preschool educator and for the preschooler, I've learnt some tremendous lessons on how to make this a day to look forward to instead of fearing it. Here are the top 10 tricks to ensure the same:

1. Routine – Children like routines. The first day of school can be unsettling as the child’s routine will be broken for something new and potentially ‘scary’. We often see that on the first few days of school, the mornings are rushed as the parents are pressed for time, balancing between a child who is refusing to get ready to school and being on time. It’s important that you start setting the routine for the child from a month before the school’s start date. This way the child’s biological clock is set and the first day is not a disruption of it. Early to bed is a must. Ensure that on the first day, your child is well rested. A tip to keep in mind is that a child takes about 20 minutes for every activity, especially in the morning. So plan in advance. 20 minutes to brush and bathe, 20 minutes to do the big job, 20 minutes for getting dressed, 20 minutes to eat breakfast, and so on. If you have enough 20 minutes planned, you will have a stressfree day and your child will have a stress free FIRST day!

2. Get the Teacher and School Involved – Stranger Anxiety is the most important factor in increasing the stress on the first day. Familiarise yourself and your child to the school. If possible, introduce your child to the teacher. Weave the mention of the teacher into conversations even before beginning school. ‘You’ve finished your snack Yash, I’m sure your teacher Savitha will be happy’, ‘I wonder what wonderful toys your teacher Savitha has arranged for you at school’, are some examples. Make short visits to school before the session begins to familiarise your child to the environment as this will also remove anxiety. Tour the school with your child, showing where he / she is expected to sit, play, explore and even the toilets. Explore if the teacher is open to having conversations at various times during the time leading up to the the school opening. At our school, we have always had an open hose before the start of the session where parents and children meet the teachers. During this, parents discuss about the child’s pet peeves, likes and dislikes. Since we get children from varied linguistic backgrounds, parents are asked to share a few of the important words in the child’s mother tongue for thirsty, hungry, the big and small job.

3. Read Books – A great way to introduce about school is to read books about it. Books about saying goodbye reduce the fear of the actual talk about goodbyes. Some children cannot bear to say goodbye and may be very reluctant to even listen about saying goodbyes. Through the story, they are able to project their fears and understand from a non threatening perspective. Here are some of the books that can help:

• ·      The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• ·      David Goes to School by David Shannon
• ·      Will I Have a Friend? by Miriam Cohen
• ·      First Day of School by Anne Rockwell
• ·      When I Miss You by Cornelia Maude Spelman
• ·      Take a Kiss to School by Angela McAllister
• ·      It’s Time for Preschool by Esme Raj Codell  
• ·      A Pocketful of Kisses by Audrey Penn- See more at: http://families.naeyc.org/learning-and-development/music-math-more/13-tips-starting-preschool#sthash.JrMABaVY.dpuf

     4. Novelty Factor – There’s nothing like retail therapy, even for children! Invest time and maybe even a few rupees into buying a new backpack / water bottle / snack box. Anything that the child can look forward to going to school. Spending the time together to choose an object can help the child overcome fears. At our school, we build up the excitement with a complimentary kit for the child that will contain a bag, the diary (we call it a passport), the smart card (used as a security measure for child pick up), a CD (with phonics rhymes), a book of rhymes and more. This is a sure shot way to help build a bond between the child and the school.

Does your child have a favorite soft toy, pillow, blankie, car or book? Talk to the school about letting your child carry the comfort object to school. This object helps the transition from home to school. The teacher can help by creating a special place for the comfort object. It also becomes a conversation starter between the teacher and the child.

5. Don't Sneak Away, Don’t lie – Many parents would like to ignore the painful separation. During drop off, the parents believe that sneaking away helps. This is farthest from the truth. Sneaking away makes the child insecure. Once object permanence sets in at the age of about 8 months, children understand that if the parent is not here, they must be somewhere. If so, why is mommy not with me? When you sneak away, the child is even more scared and the settling process will take longer. Another thing we have observed is the lying. Parents constantly assure the children that they are right outside. But when the child does not see the parent a few minutes later at the promised spot, the child is even more scared. Parents lie that they are going to the market, office, etc. The question is why are you not taking me, the apple of your eye, to where ever you are going? Once the child realises that he has been lied to, he does not want to have anything to do with the shool that has caused it. Very importantly, trust is broken. Lying in general to the child is an epidemic. Let us take a vow to never lie to our children.

6. Keep Goodbyes Short – Every year, we see drama unfolding at our school’s gate.  Picture this: We can almost hear sad music in the background. The mother is unwilling to let the child go. There are many hugs and kisses. Many instructions hurled at the child. As the teacher takes the child in, the mother will hold onto the child till the very last moment possible stretching out her hand till only their fingers meet. Phew! This long drawn out goodbye affects the child. The child believes that the separation is making the mother really sad and the child believes that it’s the new place that is causing this and as a result does not want to stay there. In fact we encourage fathers to drop the children. We’ve seen that when the father drops the child, they just hand the child over to the teacher with a crisp bye and a pat on the back. This shows the child that the father is confident about this place, about the child taking care of himself.

Couldn't resist putting this pic ;)

7. Resist Peeping – On the first day of school, if the class has a window, there’s a parent peeping through it. I can gaurantee you this! I believe it is to do with this whole ‘helicopter parenting’ generation that has gotten out of hand. Granted, every parent is curious to know if the child has settled, how he is doing, is she getting what she wants, and so on. Peeping through a window or every time the door opens even a crack, undermines the teacher. A child sees this as a indication of the teacher not being capable enough. We are sending mixed signals to the child. On the one hand, we want the child to trust the teacher and follow her into the classroom. On the other, a peeping mom indicates a lack of trust. Further, it means that you do not believe in your child being able to manage on his own. Let us fall back and allow our children to breathe. Let us allow them to learn by trial and error. Stop the peeping!

8. Communicate – Great, the first day is over! Now is the time to talk to your child. Show that you understand the pain they may have gone through but you are also confident of how they will love the school. Ask them which part they liked, what they want different, which was their favorite toy, etc. This conversation reiterates positivity about the school and the teacher.

9. Never Compare – ‘Rohan has stopped crying, why don’t you?’ asking this to a child is like your boss asking you ‘Your colleague has achieved his targets, why can’t you?’ Nobody likes to be compared. Especially children. At an age, when we are teaching children to be social, learn to share, comparing them will only breed competition. Competition in all forms is bad for children under the age of 6. At this age they need nurturing relationships that value them for who they are and not who they are in comparison to their neighbour. This is the age when we are teaching children to collaborate, which cannot exist if there is competition. Without collaboration, the social ettiquettes that we are trying to teach children, will collapse. Each child is unique, and needs uniqe parenting too.

10. Never use school as a threat – ‘If you don’t finish your food, I’ll complain to your teacher’, ‘If you don’t listen to me, I’ll send you to school’ These kind of statements are often used in households for creating fear in the children, which in turn is supposed to be disciplining. Last night, you threatened the child with ‘SCHOOL’ and in the morning today, you want the child to go happily to this scary place. (The same applies to doctors, needles and medicine) Use ‘school’ and ‘teacher’ in the most positive context you can. We are not monsters, we do not hurt children. In fact, you are free to come and look at our ‘Zero tolerance policy’ which states that we do not tolerate any abuse, punishment, raising of voice, threats, etc and are at liberty to fire the person found doing so. 

The first few days of school can be pleasant and memorable for all stakeholders, the parent, the teacher and especially the child. Let’s work together and make it special!

Happy Parenting!

Thinking with things - The hands on way to creativity

The one philosophy that guides me is 'Play is the work of childhood'. Different philosophers over time and great thinkers such as Maria Montessori, Friedrich Froebel, Loris Malaguzzi and many more who have explained the benefits of having materials in the child's environment that allow the child to develop the understanding of concepts and lay foundation for the real world experiences. As early childhood educators, none of us can escape the charm of the didactic Montessori equipment or the use of Froebel's Gifts to children. Research has proven that children learn complex science, math and literacy through manipulatives in a rich tactile environment. It is a proven fact that children who are exposed to hands on learning in the early years do better in later grades as the foundations are set solid. In this race for 'sooner the better' children nowadays are being exposed to more and more 'academic work in the earlier years. This trend is leaving very little time for children to play, let alone use THINGS. As educators and parents, there is an urgent need for us to push against this trend.

This being my beliefs (resonating with the beliefs of my school), I am fortunate to be part of the Think With Things Ambassadors program. This UK based company founded by two women, Julie Anne Gilleland and Isobel Demangeat, with the aim '... digital to real world experience transforms THINGS into learning tools in the hands of every child.' 

As an ambassador in this program, we were required to incorporate materials in our educational environment for a minimum of 6 weeks. The first pilot phase began in April with 50 ambassadors and the second will begin in September 2015 with all 200 educators from around the world.

This is the fifth week of the program and here are the top five things that have deeply inspired me:

1. Creativity: The program required children to work with circles, things that fit in their hands and things that would have otherwise been thrown away. With these clear objectives in mind, we set out close to six weeks ago, on a quest to discover 'loose parts' in our surroundings. I was amazed with the creativity that came out at every step of the way. 

The following is the conversation that happened when the facilitator and the children were on a quest to collect things. We were amazed at the acceptance of the environment and also the problem solving abilities.

Facilitator:  Why did you choose all these objects?

Children: Because these fit in our hands.

Facilitator: But does the chalk piece fit in your hand ? (It was a big piece of chalk)

Child: (Breaks into 2 pieces) Now it does : )

Facilitator: Any further observations (Hint : Shape)

Children: Natural things may or may not have a perfect shape like square, circle or triangle etc. but the man made things have more or less defined shapes like cylindrical, round, square.

Facilitator: So when natural things do not have perfect shape, whats the solution?

Children: We either cut those out with machines and give it a shape that we want or accept  and love it as the nature has provided us.

2. Expressing through things:  Through these last few weeks, the facilitators have been astonished with the expressiveness of the children. Maybe it is in our culture, but children are not as expressive and hold back their emotions. Our facilitators felt that using loose parts allowed children the necessary impetus to open up and express themselves. Since the activities were open ended, it encouraged the children to communicate. This is one of the reasons why loose parts is going to be a BIG part of our environment.

3. Focus and Attention:  We got to observe children engrossed in their exploration for longer periods of time. When the activities were unstructured, it allowed the children to pursue their interests. This was one of the reasons that the children spent more time on investigation and coming up with ideas and suggestions. Problem solving seemed to be an easy by product and a very welcome one. 

4. Sharing is natural:  We also were happily surprised to see children who were previously reluctant to share, did not mind another child taking a few of 'their' items. There somehow seemed to be a sense of 'enough for everyone to have'. Since we were finding things that were from the child's environment, it showed that nothing was as it seemed. Suddenly, everything had play value. We only needed to be opened up in the right direction. With this new found feeling of contentment, the children did not mind sharing their things.

5. Everyone needs inspiration: At the end of the program, what I have learnt most is that everyone needs inspiration. During these last few weeks I have been seeing the posts by the other ambassadors from around the world and am so inspired by them. These have been so helpful as sometimes we are limited in our ideas and our environment. Seeing these posts and being a part f this community has broadened my world and I am definitely looking to all of them for inspiration. 

I'd like to thank Ms. Sarika Manoj for helping me in this program and making sure I complete the given tasks in the given time!

I'm glad that we have the kind of technology today that made this program possible. In my quest for the perfect childhood, this has been a wonderful addition and I'm sure will shape all my future interactions with educators and children too. 

Happy Parenting!