The first day of school is fast approaching. For some parents, the
children are returning to school after the summer break. For others, it is
probably a first time experience. From my years of experiencing the first day
blues, both for the preschool educator and for the preschooler, I've learnt
some tremendous lessons on how to make this a day to look forward to instead of
fearing it. Here are the top 10 tricks to ensure the same:
1. Routine – Children like routines. The first day of school can
be unsettling as the child’s routine will be broken for something new and
potentially ‘scary’. We often see that on the first few days of school, the
mornings are rushed as the parents are pressed for time, balancing between a
child who is refusing to get ready to school and being on time. It’s important
that you start setting the routine for the child from a month before the
school’s start date. This way the child’s biological clock is set and the first
day is not a disruption of it. Early to bed is a must. Ensure that on the first
day, your child is well rested. A tip to keep in mind is that a child takes
about 20 minutes for every activity, especially in the morning. So plan in
advance. 20 minutes to brush and bathe, 20 minutes to do the big job, 20
minutes for getting dressed, 20 minutes to eat breakfast, and so on. If you
have enough 20 minutes planned, you will have a stressfree day and your child
will have a stress free FIRST day!
2. Get the Teacher and
School Involved – Stranger Anxiety is the most important factor in increasing
the stress on the first day. Familiarise yourself and your child to the school.
If possible, introduce your child to the teacher. Weave the mention of the
teacher into conversations even before beginning school. ‘You’ve finished your
snack Yash, I’m sure your teacher Savitha will be happy’, ‘I wonder what
wonderful toys your teacher Savitha has arranged for you at school’, are some
examples. Make short visits to school before the session begins to familiarise
your child to the environment as this will also remove anxiety. Tour the school
with your child, showing where he / she is expected to sit, play, explore and
even the toilets. Explore if the teacher is open to having conversations at
various times during the time leading up to the the school opening. At our
school, we have always had an open hose before the start of the session where
parents and children meet the teachers. During this, parents discuss about the
child’s pet peeves, likes and dislikes. Since we get children from varied linguistic
backgrounds, parents are asked to share a few of the important words in the
child’s mother tongue for thirsty, hungry, the big and small job.
3. Read Books – A great way to introduce
about school is to read books about it. Books about saying goodbye reduce the
fear of the actual talk about goodbyes. Some children cannot bear to say
goodbye and may be very reluctant to even listen about saying goodbyes. Through
the story, they are able to project their fears and understand from a non
threatening perspective. Here are some of the books that can help:
- · The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
- · David Goes to School by David Shannon
- · Will I Have a Friend? by Miriam Cohen
- · First Day of School by Anne Rockwell
- · When I Miss You by Cornelia Maude Spelman
- · Take a Kiss to School by Angela McAllister
- · It’s Time for Preschool by Esme Raj Codell
- · A Pocketful of Kisses by Audrey Penn- See more at: http://families.naeyc.org/learning-and-development/music-math-more/13-tips-starting-preschool#sthash.JrMABaVY.dpuf
4. Novelty Factor – There’s nothing like
retail therapy, even for children! Invest time and maybe even a few rupees into
buying a new backpack / water bottle / snack box. Anything that the child can
look forward to going to school. Spending the time together to choose an object
can help the child overcome fears. At our school, we build up the excitement
with a complimentary kit for the child that will contain a bag, the diary (we
call it a passport), the smart card (used as a security measure for child pick
up), a CD (with phonics rhymes), a book of rhymes and more. This is a sure shot
way to help build a bond between the child and the school.
Does your child have a favorite soft toy,
pillow, blankie, car or book? Talk to the school about letting your child carry
the comfort object to school. This object helps the transition from home to
school. The teacher can help by creating a special place for the comfort
object. It also becomes a conversation starter between the teacher and the
child.
5. Don't Sneak Away, Don’t lie – Many
parents would like to ignore the painful separation. During drop off, the parents
believe that sneaking away helps. This is farthest from the truth. Sneaking
away makes the child insecure. Once object permanence sets in at the age of
about 8 months, children understand that if the parent is not here, they must
be somewhere. If so, why is mommy not with me? When you sneak away, the child
is even more scared and the settling process will take longer. Another thing we
have observed is the lying. Parents constantly assure the children that they
are right outside. But when the child does not see the parent a few minutes
later at the promised spot, the child is even more scared. Parents lie that
they are going to the market, office, etc. The question is why are you not
taking me, the apple of your eye, to where ever you are going? Once the child
realises that he has been lied to, he does not want to have anything to do with
the shool that has caused it. Very importantly, trust is broken. Lying in
general to the child is an epidemic. Let us take a vow to never lie to our
children.
6. Keep Goodbyes Short – Every year, we
see drama unfolding at our school’s gate.
Picture this: We can almost hear sad music in the background. The mother
is unwilling to let the child go. There are many hugs and kisses. Many
instructions hurled at the child. As the teacher takes the child in, the mother
will hold onto the child till the very last moment possible stretching out her
hand till only their fingers meet. Phew! This long drawn out goodbye affects
the child. The child believes that the separation is making the mother really
sad and the child believes that it’s the new place that is causing this and as
a result does not want to stay there. In fact we encourage fathers to drop the
children. We’ve seen that when the father drops the child, they just hand the child
over to the teacher with a crisp bye and a pat on the back. This shows the
child that the father is confident about this place, about the child taking
care of himself.
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| Couldn't resist putting this pic ;) |
7. Resist Peeping – On the first day of
school, if the class has a window, there’s a parent peeping through it. I can
gaurantee you this! I believe it is to do with this whole ‘helicopter
parenting’ generation that has gotten out of hand. Granted, every parent is
curious to know if the child has settled, how he is doing, is she getting what
she wants, and so on. Peeping through a window or every time the door opens
even a crack, undermines the teacher. A child sees this as a indication of the
teacher not being capable enough. We are sending mixed signals to the child. On
the one hand, we want the child to trust the teacher and follow her into the
classroom. On the other, a peeping mom indicates a lack of trust. Further, it
means that you do not believe in your child being able to manage on his own.
Let us fall back and allow our children to breathe. Let us allow them to learn
by trial and error. Stop the peeping!
8. Communicate – Great, the first day is
over! Now is the time to talk to your child. Show that you understand the pain
they may have gone through but you are also confident of how they will love the
school. Ask them which part they liked, what they want different, which was
their favorite toy, etc. This conversation reiterates positivity about the
school and the teacher.
9. Never Compare – ‘Rohan has stopped
crying, why don’t you?’ asking this to a child is like your boss asking you ‘Your
colleague has achieved his targets, why can’t you?’ Nobody likes to be
compared. Especially children. At an age, when we are teaching children to be
social, learn to share, comparing them will only breed competition. Competition
in all forms is bad for children under the age of 6. At this age they need
nurturing relationships that value them for who they are and not who they are
in comparison to their neighbour. This is the age when we are teaching children
to collaborate, which cannot exist if there is competition. Without
collaboration, the social ettiquettes that we are trying to teach children,
will collapse. Each child is unique, and needs uniqe parenting too.
10. Never use school as a threat – ‘If you
don’t finish your food, I’ll complain to your teacher’, ‘If you don’t listen to
me, I’ll send you to school’ These kind of statements are often used in
households for creating fear in the children, which in turn is supposed to be
disciplining. Last night, you threatened the child with ‘SCHOOL’ and in the
morning today, you want the child to go happily to this scary place. (The same
applies to doctors, needles and medicine) Use ‘school’ and ‘teacher’ in the
most positive context you can. We are not monsters, we do not hurt children. In
fact, you are free to come and look at our ‘Zero tolerance policy’ which states
that we do not tolerate any abuse, punishment, raising of voice, threats, etc
and are at liberty to fire the person found doing so.
The first few days of school can be
pleasant and memorable for all stakeholders, the parent, the teacher and
especially the child. Let’s work together and make it special!
Happy Parenting!
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