Secret to a H. A. P. P. Y Parent

A search for parenting yields the above results. Bright, shiny, happy, smiling faces! The reality, anyone who is a new parent can tell you, is far from this. The first few months can leave the new parents sleep deprived, confused, hormonal and basically exhausted. As the child learns to settle into a routine, so do the parents. When the clouds over your head have cleared, you realise that you have an intelligent being that you are responsible for. Though a stressful journey, it can be pretty satisfying if you follow these 5 simple strategies, to be a H. A. P. P. Y. parent.

1. Humour - It's an important skill to develop, in yourself as well as the children. Humour has tremendous benefits for the cognitive and social development of a child. But it has a greater benefit for a parent. If you can find the laughter in everyday chores and challenges, it becomes easier to tackle and fun to do. Your child spilt a glass of milk, first reaction should be to laugh it off! This eases the tension between you and your child and allows the child to show remorse. Children laugh an average of 200 times a day, whereas we adults laugh only 8-10 times a day. I do feel sad for ourselves. Laugh more, live more!

2. Adaptation - Heard about Darwin's theory of evolution? Species have to adapt or they perish. The same applies to parenting. Your parenting style has to evolve as your child grows. Life after a child is going to change, accept it. A parent needs to be proactive and be observant. Catch the changes and plan accordingly. Understand that you need to practice every habit that you want in your child. A calm parent raises a calm child.  It may seem like the task for a super hero, well, a parent is no less!

3. PLAY - Enough has been said about the importance of play and its benefits for the child. Play is extremely important for a parent too. In an era when gadgets are replacing face-time (not to be confused with the video calling app, please), you need to ensure that you are playing with your child. From simple peek-a-boos to playing catch, find different avenues to play with your child. It keeps the brain active and in the present, a happy distraction from whatever else (read work stress, in laws stress, etc.) is clamouring for your attention. This engagement with your child will help intensify the bond, teach you about your child's developing skills and to just have some fun. Go play!

4. Positive Reinforcement - Children never misbehave. Really, they do not. They are constantly experimenting the boundaries of what is acceptable socially. This is their way of understanding right from wrong. When you catch a child exhibiting a behaviour that is not acceptable, instead of telling them what not to do, it makes sense to tell them what they should do. It's easy to lose your cool and lash out. But it just damages the child's esteem and does no good for your own emotional wellbeing. Practice positive reinforcement. Every time you see the child do something right, praise that. This will teach you to recognise good in the child and not wait to catch a bad behaviour. You will train yourself to see only good. How peaceful is that!

5. Yourself - There is a profound message that every air hostess gives, 'wear the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.' Parenting is the same. You need to take care of yourself first. If you are feeling frustrated, it manifests to anger and hasty decisions, that only leads to a downward spiral, emotionally. Whether you are working or a stay at home parent, it's important to give yourself and your spouse some alone time. Nurture other relationships too, for they will offer you the support that you need. Give guilt a break, we are all human and we do make mistakes. If you make sacrifices, you end up with nothing but pity for yourself and you become the 'victim'. That has never played down well. By taking care of your needs, you are taking charge.

Wishing you all a H.A.P.P.Y. parenting!

7 ways to stop being a HELICOPTER PARENT.....

Parenting is like walking on eggshells, you lose balance, you’re in one big mess! The breakdown of the family system, to a nuclear family has resulted in parents taking on all the roles that different members of the family would’ve played. Today’s parent is solely responsible for the child’s upbringing and with this responsibility comes the need to control all aspects of the child’s life. This is done in order to avoid any untoward incident. We have evolved into controlling parents and our DNA now screams danger at every turn.

This is impacting the way our future generation is learning and living. Parents are being more and more unwilling to let children experience problem solving and making their own decisions. This is also known as helicopter parenting and is fostering dependence on one or both parents. Research shows that it has a deep impact on the child’s psychological wellbeing.

Here are seven things parents can do to bring up emotionally healthy and self-sufficient children:

• Struggle is Good: Underline this. Blow it up and hang it somewhere prominent. When children grow up with out knowing struggle, they never learn how to deal in a tight situation. Resist the urge to swoop in and help a child in need. Look for signs of distress. Respond only when children ask for help. Even then, start by giving verbal cues (not the whole answer). Allow children to develop perseverance.
• Every moment is not a teachable moment: Parents try to educate (and overeducate) children. It’s true that we have to build learning into the everyday life of the child. That does not mean that every moment is teaching worthy. Children are naturally curious, allow them to ask and then wonder with them. This is much better than being condescending and teaching all the time.
• Teachers and schools know what they are doing: Back off. Most teachers and most schools mean well most of the time. Controlling parents often spill over their control onto the teachers, trying to dictate how the child should be taught. It’s good to find a school / teacher who believes in your philosophy of education. From there on, there is no need to report every scratch on the child’s body and start a full blown enquiry. If you had one of those wounds as a child, most likely, your child will have one too.
• You are only a charioteer: Parents can guide their children and equip them with all there is to know. But the final battle has to be fought by the child. Children need to learn to pick their battles. Out in the playground, children fight, make up and move on. Parents however, hold grudges for life. The child who hurt your child is not necessarily Mogambo’s reincarnation and you do not need to pick a fight. You can model good behaviour and expect children to learn from how you resolve a fight and walk away when needed.
• Choices are great: Controlling parents usually do not permit choices to the child. Giving a choice to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child’s brain. When faced with a choice, children have to solve a problem of what to choose. They have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision. If they’ve decided, they tend to stick to it more often. This whole process develops the thinking brain. Work the choices into everyday activities of the child, like choice of clothes, time of homework, after-school activities, etc.
•  Do not expect greatness: Control is often wielded in expectation of greatness. Parents want to control the path the child takes as they already have the future mapped out. When we stop expecting, we allow the child to create newer paths. We need not expect greatness, in order to teach hard work and dedication. Once this expectation is dropped, failures do not seem so bad anymore. The lessons one can learn from failing can be an immense treasure as your child grows up.
• Life is not a race: Competition breeds control. When parents compare children to others, they are preparing them for a race. When we stop competing, we allow children to learn and grow at their own pace. Relax your grip and maybe they will run faster than ever!

Now that you have some ideas, how about you turn off this gadget and turn on positive parenting 😉😉

Thriving in our child care - Top 5 reasons

Through my parenting sessions, I'm often dealing with working mothers who are carrying a huge load of guilt on their shoulders. I find that this stress is reduced when they have found a quality day care that eases the emotional turmoil and provides the best care to the child.

A parent last week spoke to me about keeping our day care open on weekends too. When I asked her the reason, she mentioned that her daughter eats much better and without fuss if it's at our day care! This is the gratification that we look forward from our work. When we looked deeper into our practices, there are many things that have proven that we provide the best program (modesty can take a back seat for now:) )

1. The meal time routine: Children are taught to be responsible for their eating habits. After washing up, children sit at their assigned places for mealtimes. As they move towards their seat, they pick up the place mats and glass of water. The food is served by the care giver in a loving manner. The serving bowl is placed on or near the table itself and the care giver encourages the child to ask for second helpings. After every meal, the children pick and their own plates and put it into the tub provided for placing the used plates. The meals themselves are nutritious and very well balanced, to suit the palette of all children. Children are also taught table manners in subtle ways by modelling right behaviour.

2. Nap time routine: Children have the nap time after lunch. We need the children to be active for sometime before napping. Every child is encouraged to pick up their own blanket, bed sheet and pillow. They lay their own bed! This is all done in as less noise as possible, maybe signing songs too. This calms the child down and gets into the groove for sleeping.

3. Multiple Zones: We have ensured that the child is not cooped up in one room for the whole time that they spend with us. It is not a school environment where the child is required to be in one classroom. With multiple zones such as Transition Zone, Dramatic Zone, Social Zone, Fantasy Zone, Physical Zone, etc., we are able to provide movement from area to area for the children. It is important that we provide them with enough opportunities for child directed play. Children stay on in the day care after the formal schooling time. For these children, having a structured curriculum for the entire number of hours they spend with us. Imagine the fun children have, making groups, playing and coming up with games themselves. Just as at home with friends.

4. Highest standards of safety and hygiene: We have an open door policy for all parents of the children in our day care. Parents are encouraged to walk in and have a meal / snack with us to understand the quality of the food served. Children are taught the right toilet habits through posters and signs put up around all bathrooms. The care givers and nannies are trained in maintaining of hygiene and the right way of taking care of children. With CCTVs being just the starting point in the day care, safety measures such as fire drills, presentations on good touch and bad touch, and more, ensure that the stress felt by parents is mitigated.

5. Documentation: The teachers are trained to document the daily log for each child, which contains the eating habits, bathroom habits and nap times of each child. The teachers / care givers are well trained to measure each child's food intake and document it. The number times each child uses the bathroom is also documented along with the nap time measured in the number of hours and whether it was undisturbed. Parents are invited to meet the care givers every alternate month to discuss the progress of the child.

With all the above, children not just thrive, they enjoy coming to the day care. When so much care is given, a parent, especially a working mother, can work reassured and lead a guilt free parenthood!

Happy Parenting!

Birthdays - What do they mean to children?

Every child remembers one date in the year for sure, their own birthday! For every child it's all about 'I, me and myself' and it is no surprise that their birthdays hold a very prominent place in their idea of self. Since this day holds so much importance, we need to analyse the messages that we are passing on through the traditions or rituals we follow on that day.

Let us take the most popular ways that we celebrate the birthday of our children:

Cutting of the cake - While we are trying on one side to ensure that our children are fit and healthy by giving them the 'No Junk Food' rule, we are ourselves propagating unhealthy food with the cake. The sugar and maida in the cake are not good for our children and more importantly, you are sending the wrong message.

Blowing out the candles - We are encouraging children to blow out the candles. In most countries, lighting a candle represents dispelling of darkness and invoking of knowledge. Then why are we teaching our children to blow out the candles instead of lighting one?

Receiving gifts - The child looks forward to the gifts on the birthday the most. I have seen children who look at the hands of the guests walking in eagerly rather than accept the greeting! We are making our children materialistic by making birthdays all about the gifts.

Return Gifts - The friends of the child come to the party expecting a return gift. There is a competition about who gave the best return gift, putting a lot of pressure on the child. We are taking away the joy of giving. 

Party Food - In the name of serving what children like, most often junk food is served in the parties. 


At our school (Podar Jumbo Kids), we did away with all this and started follow the Montessori method of celebrating birthdays from the past six years, thus:

In the Montessori classroom children have the opportunity to celebrate their birthdays by doing the 'Birthday Walk'. It is a meaningful way to further their understanding of the passage of time and a great way to introduce the concept of months, days of the month, concept of a year, the earth, the sun, and how the earth revolves around the sun. The aim of this birthday ritual is to help children recognize how they have grown and changed since they were born, to help them understand why they have turned a year older and to foster a sense of community and celebration in the classroom environment. The birthday ritual is typically introduced during circle time and an item such as a candle or yellow ball is placed in the center of the circle to represent 'The Sun' in our Universe.

A birthday celebration in progress

The birthday child is invited to carefully hold the globe and the teacher explains to the children that the earth orbits around the sun and one rotation around the sun takes one year of time. Essentially, the child's walk represents the Earth revolving around the Sun and another year that has passed. At the beginning of this activity, the students are told that the birthday child is waiting to be born and on his birthday, he begins to walk slowly around the “Sun” carrying the globe. The child walks around the Sun once while the students sing the birthday song:

The Earth goes round the Sun

(Tune: Farmer in the dell)

The Earth goes round the Sun,

The Earth goes round the Sun,
It takes a whole year for the Earth to go round the Sun.

The months marked for the child to stand in the respective birthday month.

After the child has walked once around “The Sun”, the teacher explains that now the child is one year old; everyone claps once and you show the picture of that child when he/she was one year old. The birthday child talks about his/her picture and discusses what he/she may have done when they were one year old, i.e., say “ma- ma”, learn to walk, drink from a bottle, etc. Each time the child walks around “The Sun” you sing the song, then discuss the age of the child and show the corresponding photo. When you get to the child's current age, everyone sings 'Happy Birthday' and the child gets to blow the candle (if a candle is used) and make a birthday wish. It is a lovely ritual and it makes the birthday child feel valued and special!

The celebration is also enhanced with these pointers

Fruits - Instead of a cake, we invite the child to cut and serve fruits. Parent provide fruits for all the children in the classroom.

Sweets - Instead of the unhealthy chocolates, we encourage parents to provide with home made sweets that are made with jaggery and has no sugar.

Return Gifts - We mandate that only books are given as return gifts ( if they want to give ) and we at the school curate the books before they are given to the children.

With all these rituals and practices, our hope is to make celebration of birthdays more meaningful. We need all parents to adopt this so that this becomes a movement. 

Let us bring about a change right from how we celebrate birthdays. 

Happy parenting!

Superhero Play : Hero or Villain?

As I walked in during lunch time at one of our centers, Pranshu, a boy all of 5 yrs, and wearing a Spiderman pajama set approached me. He said, ‘Ma’am, look I’m Spiderman.’ He struck a pose, folded two fingers and flung a pretend web at me. When you recognize the pretend play at work, you just love that the child is internalizing the character! This was followed by all the kids in the lunch-room picking to be a superhero of their choice. There were ninja hand chops that flew, followed by high in the air kicks, and some laser vision cutting the rest of us into two.

All in all, one single statement triggered a whole lot of play opportunity. Children love superhero play. It brings out their imagination, letting them take on many roles. Superhero play is often rambunctious and nearly always has violent content. Superheroes are vigilantes, they protect the society and hence children don the role of protectors who have to fight and break rules in order to protect. That raises the very pertinent question, does fighting for right mean fighting is right?

Chotta Bheem has become a hot favorite of many of the children. Don’t you ever wonder what are the lessons that children are taking back from this particular character? Are we promoting rowdiness in children by allowing superhero play? At what stage should we interfere and stop the impact of the superheroes on our children?

Before we set about answering these questions, let us understand a little bit more about superhero play. When a child pretends to be Wonderwoman, she is essentially thinking about good and bad. Children are applying rules and expanding their understanding of ‘right’ through superhero play. Children learn to regulate their behavior as they have to conform to a particular type of behavior to be a particular superhero. Acquiring self-regulatory skills is a desired outcome of any form of play.

Children learn to co-create and cooperate during superhero play. In an age when bullying is not uncommon, or when children are exposed to much more violence due to the media explosion, they need a medium to express it. The pretend violence opens up a dialogue about real-life violence and real life problem solving. It is important as adults for us to place this play in context. We need to be able to read the subtle signs that the children are giving us through this medium. If we do not allow superhero play, we lose an opportunity to understand our children better.

Many educators have consciously chosen not to allow superhero play in their classrooms and maybe they have good reason for it. While some other educators have acknowledged children’s desires to play superhero themed games, but they coach and guide the play into more peaceful play.

Superhero play is an important element of growing up. Whether children learn from it is left up to you, the great dictator of justice.

With great power comes great responsibility!

Are you ready to raise a smart child?

As parents and educators we all want the children in our care to rise to above average and achieve the upper limit on the intelligence bell curve. We need to understand and be able to differentiate the two major perceptions about the BRAIN.

Firstly, the brain is a muscle. And like any other muscle in the body, it need exercise, good diet, lots of rest, basically, to be fit. Secondly, the brain has the executive functions that allow us to communicate, focus, take perspective, memorise / recall, think critically and learn.

Before you proceed to understand any of this, you need to understand if you are ready to raise smart kids. Use these questions below to gauge your knowledge on the meaning of intelligence and your readiness for raising it.

1. I understand that effort is as important as genes in determining IQ.                Yes                 No 

2. I realise that the way I praise the child has an impact on their IQ.                   Yes                 No 

3. I know that talking to my child and including them in adult 
   conversation is important.                                                                                  Yes                 No 

4. I realise how important it is to steer my child to stimulating
    after school activities                                                                                         Yes                 No 

5. I know how important physical exercise is for intelligence                              Yes                 No 

6. I realise that it is more important for my child to wrestle with 
    challenging classes than to just get good grades.                                              Yes                 No 

7. I know how important memory and attention are.                                            Yes                 No 

8. I know SELF discipline is even more important that IQ when it
    comes to success.                                                                                               Yes                 No 

9. I understand teachers and schools do make a difference.                                  Yes                 No 

10. I try to avoid telling my children how smart they are.                                     Yes                 No 

The more YES answers to the questions above, the more likely you are to foster intelligence in the child.

The above questions are an excerpt from the wonderful book 'Smart Parenting, Smarter Kids' by David Walsh. I would definitely recommend a read!

Humour in Early Childhood

I am fascinated with my son's laughter. He throws his head back and laughs out loud. I can give anything to keep that going.  I'm lucky that my husband has the greatest wit matching my son's sense of humour. I see them together and it warms me inside. This led me to think about humour and it's usage in early childhood. The following is a paper that I presented at the NAEYC annual conference in Dallas, Tx. 

The last decade has seen a rise in the study of impact of emotions to memory and learning. Researchers believe that positive emotions enhance memory. With this knowledge, parents and early childhood care providers, have to better prepare themselves to provide not just a conducive environment but also work on providing opportunities for positive emotions. Using humor effectively in the classroom and at home, plays an important part in reducing the stress in the child. As brain research findings indicate, reduced stress levels increase the ability to learn and retain new information.

Developmental Changes in Children’s Humor

If children were to gain from the obvious benefits of humor, it is important that parents and early childhood care providers understand the development of humor in children.

Taking a cue from Piaget’s cognitive stages, leading humor researcher Paul McGhee, first proposed a comprehensive stage-model of children’s humor in 1979. This model, last revised in 2002, maps the type of humor the child is likely fascinated with to underlying changes in her ability to perceive and make sense of her world.

Adapted from P. McGhee, Understanding and Promoting the Development of Children’s Humor, Published by Kendall/Hunt. 

Table 1 0f 1

Sr. No	Stage	Ages	Description
1	Laughter at the Attachment Figure	6 to 12 or 15 months	By the age of six or seven months, you can find infants laughing at any unusual behavior of a parent.  This might include something like: waddling like a penguin, making silly faces, sticking half a banana out of the mouth, making exaggerated animal sounds (barking, mooing, etc.), sucking on a baby bottle, and so forth.
2	Treating an Object as a Different Object	12 or 15 months to 3, 4 or 5 years	For the first time, they start treating objects as if the objects were something else.  Not all pretend play at this or any other age is humor, but it is this capacity for pretend that paves the way for the earliest humor created by the child.
3	Misnaming Objects or Actions	2 to 3 or 4 years	Once children achieve this insight—that it’s hilarious to call something a name you know is wrong—every object or person is fair game.  Cats will be called dogs, mommy will be called daddy, daddy will be called the child’s own name, and so on.  It’s all just too funny!
4A	Playing with Word Sounds	3 to 5 years	Children become very attuned to the way words sound, and begin playing with the sounds themselves.  This often takes the form of repeating variations of a familiar word over and over, such as “daddy, faddy, paddy,” or “silly, dilly, willy, squilly.”
4B	Nonsense Real-Word Combinations	3 to 5 years	These combinations appear to simply be another way of distorting the known properties of objects.  The following are typical of this kind of humor: “I want more tree milk.”  “I have a mail box flower.”
4C	Distortion of Features of Objects, People or Animals	3 to 5 years	The examples below illustrate the most common forms of humor at this stage, although they are not exhaustive. a)  Adding features that don’t belong: a dog’s head on a man’s body b)  Removing features that do belong: a cat with no tail or legs c)  Changing the shape, size, location, color, length, etc. of familiar things—a person with a square head d)  Exaggerated features such as a long neck, big ears, enormous or very pointy nose—and misplaced features such as eyes and ears in reversed places.  e)  Incongruous or impossible behavior—a cow on roller skates
5	Riddles and Jokes	6yrs onward	Complex riddles and jokes capture the interest of the children and they are ready to explore books and other content containing these.

Role of Humor in the Learning Process

Research suggests that humorous episodes enjoyed or created by children are not simply a source of entertainment but are also a means of cognitive stimulation. The origins and development of humor depend on the development of general thought processes. The role that humor plays in the process of development is receiving increased research attention, and is of special interest to early childhood educators.

This material was adapted from Klein, Amelia J. (1987). Children's Humor: A Cognitive-Developmental Perspective. In L. Katz (Ed.), Current Topics in Early Childhood Education, Vol. VII.

a.     Humor is a form of play and is a natural medium through which young children can expand their understanding of the world.

b.     Humor is highly pleasurable and is associated with cognitive mastery.

c.     Humor provides children with problems to solve. In a joke, riddle, funny story, or cartoon, children must resolve incongruity in order to establish the joke.

d.     Humor promotes divergent thinking, a characteristic of creativity; in order to establish a joking relationship, the child must discover or create unique associations among ideas.

e.     Humor provides the child with an opportunity to learn rules. Humor has a basic structure that children discover when "playing jokes" on others (humor based on the element of surprise) or telling riddles (a punch line logically related to the body of the joke).

Role of Humor in Social and Emotional Development

Under the premise that humor does play an important role in the development of social skills, McGhee outlines four general functions of humor in social interaction. Briefly, they are:

a.     Facilitation of social interaction - Among both children and adults, humor is now understood to be one component of interpersonal competence. 

b.     Popularity and friendship - Kids who initiate humor more often are also seen by other children as being more likeable. 

c.     Socially acceptable expression of aggression - humor provides children with a socially acceptable means of expressing anger.  This will facilitate the handling of conflicts in social situations throughout the developmental years. 

d.     Softening an assertive/dominating style of interaction - mastery of humor in social situations is related to social competence.

Having read about humor, it’s time to ‘Walk the Talk’

WALK THE TALK – Bring humor into your home and classroom with these simple yet fun ways.

Silly Vanilly is my name!

Try making up silly sounding rhymes to crack up the toddlers.

Comedian of the month!

Feature different comedians each month, those that children can enjoy watching and learning about.

Try tongue twisters!

She sells sea shells on the sea shore

Shake up the routine!

‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Car’

Be absurd!!

‘What time is it?’ ‘It is 10 past spaceship’

Dramatic play area!

Wear a funny hat or a shirt on backward, pretend to order ice cream pizza!

Reading time can be hilarious!

Let’s watch B.J. Novak’s The book with no pictures. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cREyQJO9EPs

Silly face contest

The aim is to get the other one to laugh while making silly faces.

Have JOKE FRIDAY

Have children look forward to being the ‘JOKESTER’

Mismatch Day!

Have children dress up in mismatched socks or shoes or hats or just about anything that is out there.

Let the children see you laughing!

- And remember to laugh at yourself

Humor is no laughing matter! The silliness and the gaiety in the classroom can prove to be beneficial to the children to develop multiple skills sub-consciously and to retain them better. Mr. Paul McGhee suggests that humor in children's literature may be a pale substitute for the jokes children tell each other, and points out the need for definitive studies in this field of research.

Acknowledgement

Reprinted with permission of the Center for Early Education and Development (CEED), College of Education and Human Development, University of Minnesota, 1954 Buford Avenue, Suite 425, St. Paul, MN, 55108; phone: 612-625-2898; fax: 612-625-2093; http://cehd.umn.edu/ceed/.

References

Humor Development in Children by Alice Honig in Young Children, May 1988

Humor and Children's Development: A Guide to Practical Applications, 1989

This material was adapted from Klein, Amelia J. (1987). Children's Humor: A Cognitive-Developmental Perspective. In L. Katz (Ed.), Current Topics in Early Childhood Education, Vol. VII.