Secret to a H. A. P. P. Y Parent

A search for parenting yields the above results. Bright, shiny, happy, smiling faces! The reality, anyone who is a new parent can tell you, is far from this. The first few months can leave the new parents sleep deprived, confused, hormonal and basically exhausted. As the child learns to settle into a routine, so do the parents. When the clouds over your head have cleared, you realise that you have an intelligent being that you are responsible for. Though a stressful journey, it can be pretty satisfying if you follow these 5 simple strategies, to be a H. A. P. P. Y. parent.

1. Humour - It's an important skill to develop, in yourself as well as the children. Humour has tremendous benefits for the cognitive and social development of a child. But it has a greater benefit for a parent. If you can find the laughter in everyday chores and challenges, it becomes easier to tackle and fun to do. Your child spilt a glass of milk, first reaction should be to laugh it off! This eases the tension between you and your child and allows the child to show remorse. Children laugh an average of 200 times a day, whereas we adults laugh only 8-10 times a day. I do feel sad for ourselves. Laugh more, live more!

2. Adaptation - Heard about Darwin's theory of evolution? Species have to adapt or they perish. The same applies to parenting. Your parenting style has to evolve as your child grows. Life after a child is going to change, accept it. A parent needs to be proactive and be observant. Catch the changes and plan accordingly. Understand that you need to practice every habit that you want in your child. A calm parent raises a calm child.  It may seem like the task for a super hero, well, a parent is no less!

3. PLAY - Enough has been said about the importance of play and its benefits for the child. Play is extremely important for a parent too. In an era when gadgets are replacing face-time (not to be confused with the video calling app, please), you need to ensure that you are playing with your child. From simple peek-a-boos to playing catch, find different avenues to play with your child. It keeps the brain active and in the present, a happy distraction from whatever else (read work stress, in laws stress, etc.) is clamouring for your attention. This engagement with your child will help intensify the bond, teach you about your child's developing skills and to just have some fun. Go play!

4. Positive Reinforcement - Children never misbehave. Really, they do not. They are constantly experimenting the boundaries of what is acceptable socially. This is their way of understanding right from wrong. When you catch a child exhibiting a behaviour that is not acceptable, instead of telling them what not to do, it makes sense to tell them what they should do. It's easy to lose your cool and lash out. But it just damages the child's esteem and does no good for your own emotional wellbeing. Practice positive reinforcement. Every time you see the child do something right, praise that. This will teach you to recognise good in the child and not wait to catch a bad behaviour. You will train yourself to see only good. How peaceful is that!

5. Yourself - There is a profound message that every air hostess gives, 'wear the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.' Parenting is the same. You need to take care of yourself first. If you are feeling frustrated, it manifests to anger and hasty decisions, that only leads to a downward spiral, emotionally. Whether you are working or a stay at home parent, it's important to give yourself and your spouse some alone time. Nurture other relationships too, for they will offer you the support that you need. Give guilt a break, we are all human and we do make mistakes. If you make sacrifices, you end up with nothing but pity for yourself and you become the 'victim'. That has never played down well. By taking care of your needs, you are taking charge.

Wishing you all a H.A.P.P.Y. parenting!

7 ways to stop being a HELICOPTER PARENT.....

Parenting is like walking on eggshells, you lose balance, you’re in one big mess! The breakdown of the family system, to a nuclear family has resulted in parents taking on all the roles that different members of the family would’ve played. Today’s parent is solely responsible for the child’s upbringing and with this responsibility comes the need to control all aspects of the child’s life. This is done in order to avoid any untoward incident. We have evolved into controlling parents and our DNA now screams danger at every turn.

This is impacting the way our future generation is learning and living. Parents are being more and more unwilling to let children experience problem solving and making their own decisions. This is also known as helicopter parenting and is fostering dependence on one or both parents. Research shows that it has a deep impact on the child’s psychological wellbeing.

Here are seven things parents can do to bring up emotionally healthy and self-sufficient children:

• Struggle is Good: Underline this. Blow it up and hang it somewhere prominent. When children grow up with out knowing struggle, they never learn how to deal in a tight situation. Resist the urge to swoop in and help a child in need. Look for signs of distress. Respond only when children ask for help. Even then, start by giving verbal cues (not the whole answer). Allow children to develop perseverance.
• Every moment is not a teachable moment: Parents try to educate (and overeducate) children. It’s true that we have to build learning into the everyday life of the child. That does not mean that every moment is teaching worthy. Children are naturally curious, allow them to ask and then wonder with them. This is much better than being condescending and teaching all the time.
• Teachers and schools know what they are doing: Back off. Most teachers and most schools mean well most of the time. Controlling parents often spill over their control onto the teachers, trying to dictate how the child should be taught. It’s good to find a school / teacher who believes in your philosophy of education. From there on, there is no need to report every scratch on the child’s body and start a full blown enquiry. If you had one of those wounds as a child, most likely, your child will have one too.
• You are only a charioteer: Parents can guide their children and equip them with all there is to know. But the final battle has to be fought by the child. Children need to learn to pick their battles. Out in the playground, children fight, make up and move on. Parents however, hold grudges for life. The child who hurt your child is not necessarily Mogambo’s reincarnation and you do not need to pick a fight. You can model good behaviour and expect children to learn from how you resolve a fight and walk away when needed.
• Choices are great: Controlling parents usually do not permit choices to the child. Giving a choice to your child is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child’s brain. When faced with a choice, children have to solve a problem of what to choose. They have to weigh the pros and cons and make a decision. If they’ve decided, they tend to stick to it more often. This whole process develops the thinking brain. Work the choices into everyday activities of the child, like choice of clothes, time of homework, after-school activities, etc.
•  Do not expect greatness: Control is often wielded in expectation of greatness. Parents want to control the path the child takes as they already have the future mapped out. When we stop expecting, we allow the child to create newer paths. We need not expect greatness, in order to teach hard work and dedication. Once this expectation is dropped, failures do not seem so bad anymore. The lessons one can learn from failing can be an immense treasure as your child grows up.
• Life is not a race: Competition breeds control. When parents compare children to others, they are preparing them for a race. When we stop competing, we allow children to learn and grow at their own pace. Relax your grip and maybe they will run faster than ever!

Now that you have some ideas, how about you turn off this gadget and turn on positive parenting 😉😉