Secret to a H. A. P. P. Y Parent

A search for parenting yields the above results. Bright, shiny, happy, smiling faces! The reality, anyone who is a new parent can tell you, is far from this. The first few months can leave the new parents sleep deprived, confused, hormonal and basically exhausted. As the child learns to settle into a routine, so do the parents. When the clouds over your head have cleared, you realise that you have an intelligent being that you are responsible for. Though a stressful journey, it can be pretty satisfying if you follow these 5 simple strategies, to be a H. A. P. P. Y. parent.

1. Humour - It's an important skill to develop, in yourself as well as the children. Humour has tremendous benefits for the cognitive and social development of a child. But it has a greater benefit for a parent. If you can find the laughter in everyday chores and challenges, it becomes easier to tackle and fun to do. Your child spilt a glass of milk, first reaction should be to laugh it off! This eases the tension between you and your child and allows the child to show remorse. Children laugh an average of 200 times a day, whereas we adults laugh only 8-10 times a day. I do feel sad for ourselves. Laugh more, live more!

2. Adaptation - Heard about Darwin's theory of evolution? Species have to adapt or they perish. The same applies to parenting. Your parenting style has to evolve as your child grows. Life after a child is going to change, accept it. A parent needs to be proactive and be observant. Catch the changes and plan accordingly. Understand that you need to practice every habit that you want in your child. A calm parent raises a calm child.  It may seem like the task for a super hero, well, a parent is no less!

3. PLAY - Enough has been said about the importance of play and its benefits for the child. Play is extremely important for a parent too. In an era when gadgets are replacing face-time (not to be confused with the video calling app, please), you need to ensure that you are playing with your child. From simple peek-a-boos to playing catch, find different avenues to play with your child. It keeps the brain active and in the present, a happy distraction from whatever else (read work stress, in laws stress, etc.) is clamouring for your attention. This engagement with your child will help intensify the bond, teach you about your child's developing skills and to just have some fun. Go play!

4. Positive Reinforcement - Children never misbehave. Really, they do not. They are constantly experimenting the boundaries of what is acceptable socially. This is their way of understanding right from wrong. When you catch a child exhibiting a behaviour that is not acceptable, instead of telling them what not to do, it makes sense to tell them what they should do. It's easy to lose your cool and lash out. But it just damages the child's esteem and does no good for your own emotional wellbeing. Practice positive reinforcement. Every time you see the child do something right, praise that. This will teach you to recognise good in the child and not wait to catch a bad behaviour. You will train yourself to see only good. How peaceful is that!

5. Yourself - There is a profound message that every air hostess gives, 'wear the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others.' Parenting is the same. You need to take care of yourself first. If you are feeling frustrated, it manifests to anger and hasty decisions, that only leads to a downward spiral, emotionally. Whether you are working or a stay at home parent, it's important to give yourself and your spouse some alone time. Nurture other relationships too, for they will offer you the support that you need. Give guilt a break, we are all human and we do make mistakes. If you make sacrifices, you end up with nothing but pity for yourself and you become the 'victim'. That has never played down well. By taking care of your needs, you are taking charge.

Wishing you all a H.A.P.P.Y. parenting!

Can kids be leaders?

I had the privilege of presenting my paper on 'Developing Leadership in children using Superhero Play' at the NAEYC annual conference at Los Angeles. The idea started with a simple question, 'Can young children be taught leadership skills?' I have been fascinated with children's superhero play and its implications in their development. It struck me one day that the two can be married and it can be a happy marriage where we can expose children to desirable skills that lead to leadership development by using Superhero play. Below is a complete understanding of both these aspects; Superhero Play and Leadership Development.

Why Superhero Play?

As preschoolers grapple with the task of making sense of the world, they use role-play or fantasy play as one of the means to internalize their observations. We live in an era of children being exposed to more media than ever before.

By definition, superheroes are larger than life, courageous, powerful, and seemingly able to overcome any obstacle with great physical prowess while doing great deeds at the same time. Young children, facing the challenges of learning many new skills, may often feel small, helpless, fearful, unable to accomplish what they desire, or troubled—in other words, just the opposite of superheroes. It’s no wonder that many preschoolers are drawn to superhero play. Through play they can feel brave, fearless, in control of their world, outside of ordinary, and just plain good.

What is included in Superhero Play?

•        War play 


•        Rough and Tumble Play 


•        Wrestling 


•        Play fighting 


•        Combat 


•        Media-based play (a scene out of Chota Bheem) 


Superhero Play: Hero or Villain

Superhero play has long been thought of as violent, aggressive, and disruptive. Some argue that aggressive play should not be allowed because it exposes children to inappropriate concepts and attitudes and sends the message that the use of aggression can achieve a desired goal. Early educators have grappled with banning superhero play for decades, only to discover that children are strongly drawn to it and find ways to engage in it regardless of the adult-imposed rules.

Educators know that pretend play is an avenue for healthy emotional development. Pretend play builds children’s understanding of emotion, which helps them regulate their feelings. The idea that play is important for the development of young children is a familiar one for early childhood educators. Pretend play is believed to be critical for healthy emotional development in young children. This belief has been used to explain the importance of involvement in superhero play. 

One body of research suggests that rough and tumble play, which is one of the primary means of superhero play, may serve important developmental functions for young children, especially boys. Specifically, three functions: affiliation, dominance and social skill facilitation have been identified as potential functions served by rough and tumble play.

Caring adults must acknowledge this is reality and accept responsibility for facilitating and guiding children’s development by addressing superhero play in the classroom. As teachers of young children, one must respect and allow their choices of themes and roles, but that children must beprovided the boundaries in which these themes and roles occur.

Leadership Development in children

Despite the extensive research about leadership, there is not much research addressing leadership in young children (birth – 12 years).   Even at a young age, children exhibit leadership skills. Just as children learn other important skills, children can learn and build on these leadership skills through their experiences. Many developmental psychologists support the importance of experiential learning. At a young age, children are much more prone to learning skills and retaining them throughout their life. During childhood and adolescence, an individual’s behavior, personality, and skills are more malleable than they are in adulthood. Maria Montessori, a pioneer of early childhood education, believed in this idea. She heavily supported and promoted the idea of sensitive periods, the periods of a child’s life when skills are best learned.

Most of the characteristics that leadership researchers have described can be explained through the 5-factor model of personality or the “Big Five.” In 1961, Ernest Tupes and Raymond Cristal found that five factors reoccurred within their personality analyses of various subjects. Over the years, the factors first described by Tupes and Cristal have been refined and then eventually coined as the Big Five. The five factors are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, (absence of) neuroticism, and openness.

As leadership becomes one of the most wanted strategic qualities across professions such as business and industry, technology, politics, medicine, and the arts’ around the world —  the role of parents, teachers and mentors becomes critical in assisting with the development of leadership attributes, qualities and skills in their children right from an early start.

Superhero Play as a means of Leadership Development in children

Superhero play provides a release from tension and frustration as well as achievable success and accepted ways to exercise leadership .

The education community should support  a more productive superhero play that incorporates children’s interests in ways that promote leadership development. While the three dominant themes in superhero play are capture and rescue, submit or vanquish, and attack or flee, there are numerous variations on these themes, - Teachers can observe children’s superhero play and offer them opportunities to expand on their current knowledge.

Constructing a ready reckoner for parents and educators to safely practice superhero play and further use it to develop leadership:

Table 1: Leadership factors and associated Superhero Play

The Big Five (Factors of Leadership)	Qualitites	Associated Superhero Play Attributes
Extraversion	·       assertive ·       outgoing ·       enthusiastic	Superhero play allows common ground on which conversations can begin. The resulting role assigning gives children opportunities to show these qualities.
Agreeableness	·       kind ·       trusting ·       compassionate	While the ‘good guy’ rescues the people or attacks the ‘bad guy’, it is a wonderful opportunity for the adult to inculcate the much needed qualities of agreeableness.
Conscientiousness	·       reliable ·       productive ·       achievement-oriented.	With great power comes great responsibility. As Superheroes, it is easy for the adult to help the child understand that a critical role of the superhero is to get the work done. This can prove to be a valuable lesson for life.
(Absence of) Neuroticism	Absence of  ·       anxiousness ·       selfconscious ·       impulsiveness	Superhero Play gives many opprtunities for building self-confidence which is the opposite of all the qualities of neuroticism. Donning a role makes it easier for a shy / introverted child to open up and approach others with confidence.
Openess	·       curious ·       imaginative ·       insightful	Children often construct their own story lines (with the charecteritics of the superhero still in mind). Theis fantasy play has limitless opportunities for creativity and imagination.

'You're learning how important you are, how important each person you see can be. Discovering each one's specialty is the most important learning.' -Fred Rogers.  

Here are a list of activities that can be done at schools and at home for translating the Big Five attributes into bite sized behaviour attributes to children through superhero play.

• •  This Is Me, I’m a Superhero! – Have the children draw / illustrate their own self, depicting themselves as a superhero. A great opportunity to help the child understand himself/ herself better. Ask probing questions (gently) about what super powers the child would possess and why do they think it is important to have that power.
• •  Passing the Parcel of Superpower – Make two separate sets of paper strips. On one set, write the some of the Super Powers. On the other set, write down some problems that one may face in everyday life. Put each set in a different box. Play music and pass the boxes around, one clockwise and the other anti clockwise. When the music stops, the child with the problem box reads out the problem (with the teachers’ help if needed). The child with the super power box, reads out one of the super power. The children use the super power and brainstorm ways to solve the problem. Remember to teach children never to judge and that all ideas are acceptable.    
• •  Super Power Wall – Create a Wall of Superpowers. Write down all the superpowers providing enough gap between each (clearly demarking each power). Encourage children to use these superpowers everyday. Provide children with stickers (preferably each child has an unique sticker). Whenever a child feels that they have used any of the superpower, they can put a sticker on the wall. When they have been able to put up more than three stickers in a day, treat them to dressing up as the super hero of their choice.
• •  Real Life Superheroes – Ensure that the children are exposed to enough real life super heroes, who are culturally relevant too. Parents can be invited to share stories of using each of the leadership qualities in their personal lives. Often, grandparents are a treasure trove of such stories. Stories from folklore are another important source.

Below is a plan specifically meant for schools.

The Plan:

•  Teachers discuss with children about favorite Super heroes and document the same.
•  Teachers to then introduce the class super heroes, ‘The Big Five’. Children can be encouraged to contribute names and costumes for each super hero.
• Each Superhero to have three super powers, as per the table above.
• Over the next few months, the special child of the day will pick the super hero from the magic box. Children will try that entire day to emulate the super powers of that super hero.
•  Documentation at each stage.

Materials:

•  Superheroes cutouts for the magic box. This will be animated after taking input from children in the centers and the characters are illustrated as per the children’s imagination.
• Capes, crown, hand tags, wands, etc., that can empower children to use the super power for the day.
• Camera for recording and taking pictures of the process.

Points to keep in mind:

• Activity is aimed at developing leadership qualities. Teacher to allow children to display leadership.
• Teacher to observe and positively reward whenever a child expresses the mentioned qualities with words of specific praise.
• If children find any difficulty in understanding a power / imbibing a power, teacher to provide scaffolding opportunities in the day. During transition times would be an excellent opportunity.

References

•         Beresin E. (2012). Violent Video Games and Movies Causing Violent Behavior. 
Psychology Today. 


•        Boyd B. (2007). Superhero Play in the Early Childhood Classroom: Issues in 
Banning Play from the Classroom. Earlychildhood News. 


•        Center for Inclusive Child Care Podcast: Inclusion Matters 


•        Enid L., Menkart D., Okazawa-Rey M. (2002). Beyond Heroes and Holidays: A Practical Guide to K-12 Anti-Racist, Multicultural Education and Staff Development. Washington DC: Teaching for Change. 


•        Gerard J. (2002). Killing Monsters: Why Children Need Fantasy, Super Heroes, and Make-Believe Violence. New York, NY: Basic Books. 


•        Gelman P. (2012). Superhero Play: Is it cause for Concern? Greatschools.org 


•        Hoffman E. (2004). Magic Capes, Amazing Powers: Transforming Superhero 
Play in the Classroom. St Paul, MN: Red Leave Press. 


Research Quoted:

(Carlsson-Paige & Levin 1995; Bauer & Dettore 1997)

(Gronlund 1992; Fonville & Afflerbach 1995; Bauer & Dettore 1997; Boyd 1997; Levin 2003; Barnes 2008; Logue & Shelton 2008)

(Bodrova & Leong 2003)

(Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1990; Curry, 1971; Ritchie, Johnson, & Zita, 1982; Slobin, 1976; Walder, 1976)

(Smith & Boulton,1990)

(Popper & Mayseless, 2007)

(McCrae & John, 1992)

(Walsh, 1995)

(Murphy & Johnson, 2011)

(Carlsson-Paige & Levin, 1990)